I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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