i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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