She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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