just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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