she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
