super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
