hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
home. puking in laundry basket.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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