Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
