and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
