Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
