I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Two words: nipple clamps
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