so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we made out on top of his cat.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
