A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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