He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
