You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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