I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
