Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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