you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
