Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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