chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
