i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
