$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
