You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
