When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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