It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
