you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Blood and glitter go together right?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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