Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
