YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
