Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
