How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
