don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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