i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
