how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
