all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
