I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
