Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
