I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
