i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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