you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
