a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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