clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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