i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
