It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
