On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
