peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
