I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
