and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
