Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
