No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
