He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
