Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
