My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
